ONE37pm's Week 5 NFL Power Rankings: Seahawks Soar

Now that four weeks of games are behind us, the NFL season is just about at the quarter post. With each week, the league's wheat gains a bit more separation from the chaff. Luckily, we're here to help you sort through the mess. These are the 100% accurate Week 5 NFL Power Rankings.

As the only undefeated team remaining, the Eagles are the class of the NFC, if not the whole NFL. After rolling their first three opponents, the Eagles proved their mettle on Sunday by rallying from an early 14 point hole to beat the Jacksonville Jaguars. Despite falling behind 14-0 towards the end of the first quarter, the Eagles still managed to dominate the run of play; the Eagles forced five turnovers and held the ball for nearly 40 minutes.

If I were on defense and I had Patrick Mahomes hemmed in along the sideline and he floated one of his silly little passes to Clyde Edwards-Helaire in the endzone, I would walk out of the stadium, get in my car, and drive home with all my pads still on. 

Whereas the first half of Buffalo’s 23-20 comeback win over the Ravens demonstrated the perils of relying on Josh Allen to do everything, the second half was an affirmation that Allen can, indeed, do everything. Braving mud and rain, Allen turned into the league’s most overqualified full back, ramming the ball straight down Baltimore’s throats for 70 yards and a touchdown on 11 carries. Outside of Allen’s characteristic heroics, the defense did yeoman's work bottling up Lamar Jackson; in particular, Jordan Poyer proved his All-Pro bonafides with two interceptions, including picking off Jackson in the end zone late in the fourth quarter to set up Buffalo’s game-winning drive.

Through four games, no team is better than the Ravens at racing out to huge early leads. Unfortunately, no team is worse at maintaining them. For the second time in three weeks, the Ravens barfed up a three-score lead at home to an AFC East outfit, this time squandering a 20-3 lead by letting Josh Allen and the Bills rip off 20 unanswered points in the second half. Still, the Ravens’ 2-2 record betrays their true goodness; the Ravens would be 4-0 right now, if NFL games were 55 minutes long. Accordingly, DVOA pegs Baltimore as the third best team in the league.

To be completely honest, I didn’t watch any of the Vikings’ game. It was on at 9:30am on a Sunday—that’s too early!. Nevertheless, the box score says Justin Jefferson was amazing, rebounding from back-to-back clunkers with a ten catch, 147 yard masterclass. That sounds about right. 

The good news is that the Packers won. Sadly, the bad news is that they were discomfitingly challenged by Bailey Zappe. Even with the already-bad Patriots down to their third-string quarterback, the Packers needed overtime to squeak out a 27-24 win at home. Most concerningly, Aaron Rodgers looks downright average—at the season’s quarter mark, his 43.1 QBR puts him on pace for by far the least worst statistical years of his career.

A two game losing streak is certainly not ideal, but it’s way too early to count out Touchdown Tom. Once the Buccaneers become whole again, they’ll be a force. 

The beauty of the 49ers is that their roster is so comprehensively stacked and their coaching staff is so radically smart that they can start Jimmy Garoppalo at quarterback and still be totally fine. On Monday Night Football, the 9ers manhandled the Rams, gaining an early edge in the NFC West division race in the process. Even amongst stars like Deebo Samuel, Nick Bosa and Fred Warner, safety Talanoa Hufanga has emerged as a capital-g Guy, housing a game-sealing pick six to put the Rams away. 

Nothing is wrong with the Rams, per se. Aaron Donald, Cooper Kupp, Jalen Ramsey and Matthew Stafford are still around, after all. So why does it feel like there’s something super wrong with the Rams? Nobody on offense can get open besides Kupp and nobody on defense can pressure the quarterback besides Donald. Through four games, the Rams have been outscored by 24 points, giving them a bottom-five point differential.  But whatever—they’ll be fine.

Clawing their way back to .500, the Bengals have rebounded nicely from their 0-2 start. Even as he gets pummeled each and every game, Joe Burrow is great in an irrepressible sort of way. Against the Dolphins, Burrow enjoyed the best protection he has had this season and, unsurprisingly, also had his best game, tossing for 287 yards and two touchdowns. 

Cooper Rush is a cute little story—an overlooked career journeyman made good, leading America’s Team to the promised land (the top 11 of the ONE37pm Week 5 NFL Power Rankings). But the real catalyst for the Cowboys’ hot start has been Micah Parsons, who already looks primed to be the next great pass rusher in just his second season. He’s bringing Doomsday back, anchoring an elite unit that’s allowed fewer than 20 points in each of their first four games.

Yeah, they blew a 14-0 lead and got the brakes beaten off them by the Eagles in the second half yada yada yada. This team rules! Trevor Lawrence is proving all his lovers correct and playing like the elite quarterback prospect everybody expected him to be. The defensive line is made out of hornets nests and hammers. According to DVOA, the Jaguars are a legitimately very good team who are above average in all three facets of the game; overall, DVOA rates them as the NFL’s fourth best team, but that placement seems a tad aggressive for week 5 NFL Power Rankings. 

The Chargers have a comically talented roster, a budding superstar quarterback, horrible injury luck and a predilection for farting away leads, even against teams as sorry as the Houston Texans. In other words, they’re the Chargers. 

Because of the quirks of the NFL’s short season, there’s always a team that racks up a gaudy win total without ever really appearing all that convincingly good. With early wins against the Titans, Panthers and now Bears, the Giants look poised to be that team. 

Geno Smith has: more passing yards than Aaron Rodgers, more passing touchdowns than Russell Wilson, more yards per attempt than Patrick Mahomes, and more yards per carry than Austin Ekeler. Inconceivably, Smith might be a top five quarterback in the NFL so far this year; outside of Josh Allen, Lamar Jackson and Jalen Hurts, it’s hard to say definitively whether anybody else has been better than Smith. 

Sources (i.e. me) confirm to the ONE37pm Week 5 NFL Power Rankings selection committee (also me) that the Broncos blow.

For the first time since injuring his foot last year, Derrick Henry looked like himself on Sunday. Against Indianapolis, Henry rushed 22 times for 114 yards and a score, ragdolling any Colt unfortunate enough to be in his vicinity. If the Titans hope to make a fourth straight playoff appearance, they’ll need Henry to be superlative enough to pick up the slack for their threadbare passing game. 

The Falcons cannot throw the ball. They cannot defend the pass or the rush. What they can do, though, is run the bejesus out of the football. On Sunday, the Falcons gashed the Cleveland Browns for 202 rushing yards on 35 attempts. What’s more, they did so with their backups; rookies Tyler Allgeier and Caleb Huntley ably split lead duties in Cordarelle Patterson’s stead, wearing down Cleveland’s defense with their punishing running style.

Star edge rusher defensive end Myles Garrett missed Sunday’s contest because he injured his shoulder by getting in a single-car accident and flipping over his Porsche. He could miss up to six weeks.

Even without #1 wideout Deandre Hopkins, Kyler Murray has looked fairly sharp, quickly establishing connections with secondary and tertiary options like Hollywood Brown and Greg Dortch. While the Cardinals aren’t especially viable contenders, they’re solidly within the league’s middle class, dispatching the Panthers 26-16 without too much trouble.

In his season debut, former #2 pick Zach Wilson threw for 252 yards and a touchdown and also added a touchdown catch for good measure. Although his stats aren’t so remarkable on his own, Wilson’s presence imbued a sense of confidence and swagger that had been missing from the Jets’ first three games. Don’t let Wilson’s dimples fool you: it’s not about the size of the fight in the dog, it’s about the size of the dawg in him. 

They won a game! 

Between head coach Dan Campbell’s star turn on Hard Knocks and the defense’s total inability to stop teams from scoring, the Lions might be the most likable team in the NFL. As insignificant as it’ll most likely be in the larger scheme of this season, the Lions’ 48-45 loss to Seattle was as entertaining as football gets. In this sense, the Lions may not be very good, but aren’t the real wins the laughs we had along the way?

Jonathan Taylor is hurt and Matt Ryan looks old. With each passing week, it’s becoming more and more possible that maybe Carson Wentz should’ve been the answer in Indianapolis

*[Watches Carson Wentz throw 42 times for a grand total of 170 yards]* Nevermind, Carson Wentz is never the answer.  

Ding dong, the Mitch is dead—or at least benched. With the Steelers’ offense desperate for a spark, prized rookie Kenny Pickett took the reins from Mitch Trubisky to start the second half of Pittsburgh’s 24-20 defeat to the Jets. Besides his three interceptions, Pickett looked fine. Good, even. A former University of Pittsburgh star playing in front of his loyal supplicants, Pickett has the world in the palm of his tiny little baby hand.

Bailey Zappe had one of the greatest seasons in college football history last year, setting single season records for passing yardage (5,987) and touchdown passes (62). No quarterback in the NFL is as well-suited to torch Conference USA as Zappe.

The Bears lost to the Giants. 

The Saints battling the Vikings is my favorite New Testament story. 

Baker Mayfield used to be so good. His rookie year in Cleveland was outrageously great, given the circumstances. He isn’t that guy anymore. Bummer. 

This team isn’t actually trying to be good, so I feel no obligation to try to give them a good blurb.

It’s hard to focus on the Dolphins' merits relative to their rivals in the Week 5 NFL Power Rankings after what they did to Tua Tagovailoa. At best, it’s incompetence; more likely, it’s some combo of selfishness and malignance. Mike McDaniel and the Dolphins should’ve known better. It’s disgusting that they didn’t.